Lessons Learned From Recovery Trauma

Lessons Learned Series

January 27, 2025

Tom O'Connor, Co-Author & Publisher

Tim Lineaweaver, Co-Author

Vital Voyage: Lessons Learned Series

Topic

Lessons Learned is a New Vital Voyage Series. This series, for our readership, is for all of us to reflect on lessons learned. I wrote a book, Discover Your Adult Child, filled with the vital lessons I learned being the child of a father with a substance use disorder. Through my trauma, it took a very long time in my recovery to heal.

Our co-author, Tim​​ Lineaweaver (www.timlineaweaver.com), is a respected counselor, writer, and speaker on substance use and trauma-related topics. He shares his struggles with substance use and the lessons he learned. With over 30 years of experience as a licensed mental health and substance use counselor, Tim's insights are invaluable to our readers.

Additional Information For You

According to Tim :

My father's public drunkenness and private abusiveness led to a deep sense of shame, anger, and depression, conditions that I, too, self-medicated. I started at a young age and went progressively downhill. Ultimately, at age twenty-eight, my life blew up. My addictions caused my divorce, custody issues, and financial ruin.

My close friends were all addicts as well. I grew up in an alcoholic home and spent the majority of my time with other alcoholics as well as drug users and dealers. I was steeped in an addictive culture that put a figurative veil before my eyes. I knew as I contemplated recovery that continuing to be around them would only lead to a relapse, and many of these former brothers in line weren't interested in the sober version of me anyway. I felt disenfranchised as a result. I no longer had a community or, as people say nowadays, "a tribe." Then, I began my recovery and sustained it!

The consequences of trauma are numerous and can be severe. Mental health challenges with depression, anxiety, hypervigilance, and all that goes with those symptoms. But here is a discussion of what I've learned in my recovery from trauma.

Therapy and Trauma Survivors: Much of what I learned was from therapy, group therapy, and other survivors, and some from my own experience. I am eternally grateful to trauma survivors who were brave enough to share their experiences and mistakes along the way. Most survivors are happy to help other people in pursuit of recovery. It was valuable to know that I wasn't alone. Knowing others like me were out there led us to the first thing I learned. 

Community Matters: Community is one integral key to recovery. I spent years in isolation, ashamed and full of guilt and remorse about my trauma. In group therapy, I shared about my sexual abuse for the first time at age thirty. I had kept that secret from childhood through adolescence and adulthood. I didn't know how my group mates would react. Everyone, including the group leader, was supportive, compassionate, and encouraging. I felt the beginning of my long-held burden begin to lift that very day.

Self-care is Critical: Another hugely important thing I learned is to treat myself better. The trauma brought me and brings many of us to extreme behaviors: over or undereating, over-functioning or outright workaholism, oversleeping, or not getting enough. I have learned to treat my physical and mental health carefully to present the best version of myself daily. I eat well, with reasonable portions of non-processed, fresh food not laden with chemicals. I maintain a solid sleep schedule, trying to get eight hours a night. Exercise is hugely important for me as it is the most effective method of keeping my depression and anxiety at bay or when I'm struggling to banish the symptoms. I do my best to leave work at work and spend time with family and friends in my rejuvenating solitude. 

We are all Equal: I have learned that I am equal to others, no less than or better than them. I deserve happiness as much as the next person does, and my needs and wants are no less or more important than those of the next person.

Judgment from Others: I have learned to avoid others' judgment. I cannot live in service of popular opinion or to please others. Those who judge me without knowing me and the things I have experienced through my trauma are not worthy of my consideration. I have learned to tune out their noise and walk away. I've learned to criticize myself respectfully, reasonably, and constructively. What were the conditions of why something didn't go well? Were they in my control or not? Did I work hard enough? 

Set Achievable Goals: I have learned to set achievable goals and encourage myself to achieve them. I don't listen to my negative self-talk. Today, I accept that failure is a natural, expected phenomenon everyone encounters. How can I learn from it and do better next time? 

Tim's Lessons Learned include the following:

Be Safe:

I have committed to learning self-defense to protect myself against physical assault. I understand that violence is a last resort only used when I or my loved ones are under direct attack. I hope I never have to use the skills I've learned in martial arts. 

Be Positive:

I have learned to keep myself around positive people and to not give time to others who are negative. I can be impressionable, and eventually, I will internalize the attributes of my group. 

Another key to my recovery is a positive mindset. Being positive doesn't mean not acknowledging the pain or the bad. It means realizing I can deal with those things effectively and find solutions.

Be Grateful:

I have learned that gratitude is key to living a happy life. I think of the things I have instead of what I don't. I am constantly amazed at what my recovery has brought me. I look for happiness in small things: a song, a book, a cup of good coffee, and a good conversation with my wife. I make gratitude a daily practice.

Life is a Gift:

Most of all, I have learned that life is a gift I refuse to waste. I want to be happy now, not in the future, but right now. I have also learned to accept that my time is finite. Time is life's currency, and I have learned to spend it wisely. 

Your Call to Action

According to Tom:

Take on this Lessons Learned assignment with no timeframe to complete. Lessons learned never stop. As long as you are experiencing new situations and encountering challenges, there will always be opportunities to learn and grow from them, meaning learning from experiences is ongoing throughout life.

I learned things from my childhood that have helped me throughout my life. You don't have to begin this exercise from your childhood. We live actively in the present. Life constantly presents new scenarios, requiring ongoing adaptation and learning from successes and failures. Reflecting on experiences and identifying what can be improved is crucial to extracting valuable lessons.  

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The value of Lessons Learned extends far beyond mere knowledge acquisition; it encompasses a profound understanding of how to effectively apply that knowledge in future situations, thereby transforming experiences into actionable insights.