Coping with Grief and Loss

June 9, 2025

Belinda Morey, Author & Substance Use Disorder Counselor

Tom O’Connor, Editor & Publisher

Topic

Whatever loss you’ve suffered, remember, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Your grief is as unique as you are, and every person uniquely experiences its nuances. By understanding the types and stages of grief, you can find healthier ways to manage your emotions.

Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. Often, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. You may experience a range of complex and unexpected emotions, including shock, anger, disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness.

The pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health, making it challenging to sleep, eat, or even think straight. This grief is a normal reaction to loss, and the more significant the loss, the more intense your grief will be. Coping with the loss of someone or something you love is one of life’s biggest challenges. While you may associate grieving with bereavement—the death of a loved one, which causes the most intense type of grief—any loss can also lead to grief.

Belinda Morey has joined me as co-author for the second time. Belinda also publishes her weekly newsletter, "Progress is Progress: Insights," which shares an inspiring journey of addiction and recovery, diving deep into personal and professional experiences. 

Additional Information For You

Belinda Morey’s Newsletter Issue, which she has allowed me to share with you, is:

When Death Keeps Showing Up Uninvited: A Not-So-Gentle Guide to Grief

Death is like that annoying relative who shows up at the worst possible moments, doesn't call ahead, and leaves your entire life in disarray. Except you can't just hide in your bedroom until they leave.

I should know. By 25, I'd lost my first set of parents, then lost the other set before I hit 40. Yeah, you read that right – both sets. Life has a twisted sense of humor sometimes.

First, went with my adoptive parents (who were my grandparents, but try explaining that family tree at parties). Bob and Betty – the ones who raised me, dealt with my teenage drama, and tried their best to maintain that picture-perfect family facade while our dysfunction simmered underneath like a pot about to boil over. They were both gone by 2008, and let me tell you, I handled it with all the grace of a drunk elephant on roller skates. (Maybe I was the drunk elephant on roller skates, actually.)

I did what any reasonable person would do: wholly lost my shit, dove headfirst into drugs, strip clubs, and affairs, and traded one toxic relationship for an even worse one. Because when life hands you lemons, sometimes you decide to squeeze them in your own eyes.

Then 2020 happened. Because the universe wasn't done with its cosmic joke, both my biological parents, whom I'd reconnected with, died within three months of each other. If Grief were a Netflix series, this would be the point where viewers would call bullshit on the writers.

Here's the thing they don't tell you about grief: it's as unique as a fingerprint and just as messy. There's no "five stages and you're done" warranty. It's more like a choose-your-own-adventure book where all the choices kind of suck, but you have to pick something anyway.

Some days, you're fine. You're adulting like a champion, paying bills, wearing matching socks, maybe even remembering to water your plants. Then boom – you're sobbing in your car because a song came on that your dad used to sing badly in the shower, or you find an old voicemail from your mom that you forgot to delete.

As an addiction counselor (plot twist, correct?), I've seen grief wear many masks. It disguises itself as anger, numbness, workaholism, or that sudden urge to completely reorganize your sock drawer at 3 AM. Sometimes, it shows up as a bottle, a needle, or whatever poison people choose to numb the pain. But here's the kicker – grief is like a game of whack-a-mole. The more you try to suppress it, the more it pops up elsewhere.

So what do we do? How do we navigate this mess without completely losing our marbles?

First, let's throw out the rulebook. There's no "right" way to grieve. If you need to cry ugly while watching cat videos, do it. If you need to laugh at a funeral because your brain short-circuits and you remember something ridiculous, that's okay too (maybe try to do it quietly).

Second, grief isn't just about death. It's about endings. Leaving jobs, ending relationships, getting sober – these are all little deaths in their way. Everyone deserves recognition, even if society tells you to "just get over it."

Here's what I've learned from my own personal grief circus:

1. The pain doesn't disappear – you build a more significant life around it. Some days, it's a whisper; others, it's a marching band in your head.

   
   

2. Dark humor helps. A lot. Death is already awkward enough without trying to be solemn all the time. Finding moments of lightness in the darkness can be a powerful way to cope with difficult times.

   
   

3. It's okay not to be OK. Really. The concept of 'staying strong' is overrated. Sometimes, being assertive means crying in the bathroom at work or eating cereal for dinner for three consecutive nights. Be kind to yourself in these moments.

   
   

As I plan my wedding (yes, life goes on, surprisingly), I've got these little locket pins for my dress to hold pictures of all four of my parents. Grief and joy often coexist, much like roommates who don't particularly like each other but have learned to live together.

For those of you reading this who are in the thick of it – whether you're grieving a person, a relationship, a version of yourself, or something else entirely – I see you. This shit is hard. It's okay to stumble. It's OK to fall. Just try not to set up permanent residence in the pit.

And remember, grief is a testament to the love that existed. It's the price we pay for caring about people. Is it worth it? Most days, yes. On the days it's not, that's what ice cream and questionable Netflix choices are for.

Keep breathing and moving. And when you can't do either, that's okay, too. Tomorrow's another day to try again.

Because in the end, we're all just walking each other home, aren't we? Even if some of us are stumbling, some are taking detours, and some are pretending we're not entirely lost.

According to Additional Research: 

• Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. Often, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. You may experience a range of complex and unexpected emotions, including shock, anger, disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness.

  
  

• The pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even think straight. These are normal reactions to loss, and the more significant the loss, the more intense your grief will be.

  
  

• Coping with the loss of someone or something you love is one of life’s biggest challenges. You may associate grieving with bereavement, the death of a loved one, which is the cause of the most intense type of grief, but any loss can cause grief.

  
  

• The most common sources of grief are:

  • Bereavement (the death of a loved one).

  • Death of a pet.

  • Separation or Divorce.

  • Loss of health.

  • Losing a job.

  • Loss of financial stability.

  • A miscarriage.

  • Retirement.

  • Loss of a cherished dream.

  • A loved one’s serious illness.

  • Loss of a friendship.

  • Loss of safety after a trauma.

  • Selling the family home.

• You may not get over your loss, but you will survive it.  According to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the five general stages of grief are:

• 
  

  • Denial:  This can’t be happening.

  • Anger: Why did this happen? Who is to blame?

  • Bargaining: Make this not happen, and (I will do this)?

  • Depression: I can’t bear this; I’m too sad to do anything.

  • Acceptance: I acknowledge that this has happened and cannot be changed.

• Whatever your loss, it’s personal to you. If the person, animal, relationship, or situation was significant to you, it’s normal to mourn the loss you’re experiencing. Whatever the cause of your grief, though, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can ease your sadness and help you come to terms with your loss, find new meaning, and eventually move on with your life.

• After such a significant loss, life may never seem quite the same again. Whether it’s a close friend, spouse, partner, parent, child, or other relative, few things are as painful as losing someone you love. But over time, you can ease your sorrow, start looking to the future, and eventually come to terms with your loss.

  
  

Your Call to Action 

• You have to grieve on your timeline, and that's all. It’s okay to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, confusion, and even numbness. Allow yourself to cry, express your pain, or sit with your feelings. 

• Healing from your grief is in front of you!  Allow yourself to feel the pain of your loss, and then let someone who loves you help to pick you up off the floor. It will be a refreshing first step towards a new beginning.

• Speak to a Licensed Therapist. There is an excellent resource for finding a licensed therapist who is trained to meet your specific needs. Type in https://www.psychologytoday.com. Enter your zip code and the topic, for example, grief. It will list therapists and indicate who is available, as well as which insurance they accept. It’s updated daily. This page on Psychology Today will direct you to the “Find a Therapist” page. 

• Join a Support Group. Connecting with others who have experienced loss can provide comfort and understanding.

• Practice Self-Care. Prioritize your physical health by getting enough sleep, eating nutritious foods, and engaging in gentle exercise. Engage in activities you enjoy. Be patient with yourself. Healing takes time, and there will be ups and downs.

• Remember and Honor Your Loved One. Sharing memories about your loved one can help keep their memory alive. Develop ways to honor and remember your loved ones in a meaningful way.

Belinda Morey, Substance Use Disorder Clinician, SAC -I- IGNTD Coach -I- Blogger

BS Addiction/Substance Use Counseling