The Loss Of A Loved One To Suicide

# Life After Loss: A Journey with Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide

May 26, 2025

Josie Jakub, CEO Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide

Tom O’Connor, Editor & Publisher

Understanding Grief and Loss

Survivors of suicide loss often feel overwhelmed and isolated. Author Josie Jakub shares her story of life after losing a loved one to suicide. She explores her experience and identifies support systems for others facing similar loss.

“Today, I share my life with my cat, Mimi. ‘Not all angels have wings; some have whiskers.”

According to Josie: Eight years ago, my world shattered when my fiancé, Olivier, died by suicide just weeks before our wedding. We lived together in France, far from English-speaking support services. I was left in grief, shock, and isolation. Losing someone to suicide is unlike any other kind of loss. It brings unanswered questions, deep pain, and often an unbearable silence from the world around you.

The Path to Finding Support

Josie recalls, Eight years on, I still don’t have all the answers, but I’ve found something even more powerful. At the time, I was consumed by questions: Did I miss the signs? Could I have stopped it? Did they know how much I loved him? Why didn’t they talk to me? Over time, I came to accept that I may never achieve full closure. However, what I gained was enough. It’s a quiet peace and a sense of connection with others who’ve been through this. I’ve encountered real healing, and for me, that’s quite close to closure.

In her journey, Josie found hope through the Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SoBS) community. It consists of individuals with lived experience, who understand her pain. She emphasized that SoBS became a lifeline for me. They offer various support options, including a telephone support line, in-person and virtual groups, and email support. This organization is unique because everyone involved has been affected by suicide loss, leading to genuine understanding and compassion.

The Stigma Surrounding Suicide

The impact of suicide extends into societal stigma. Josie notes, A strange thing occurs when the word "suicide" becomes part of your vocabulary. People vanish; it’s true. Many don’t know what to say. They want to support you, but close friends and family often become tongue-tied. This reaction is a reflection of the stigma associated with suicide. It is still a taboo subject, shrouded with shame or fear.

Many people share well-meaning but misguided platitudes like, "They’re in a better place now," or "They wouldn’t want you to be sad." For some, these statements feel dismissive of the complexity of the situation. Such sentiments can hinder the healing process. At SoBS, the focus is on how you are doing at that moment, which is the best place to start.

SoBS’ Mission

The mission of Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SoBS) is vital. They aim to dismantle the isolation, stigma, and silence surrounding suicide bereavement. With over 90 peer support groups across the UK, their incredible volunteers are the heart of this initiative. Meeting others who have also been bereaved by suicide provides a lifeline. It’s a space where people can genuinely say, “I’ve been there too.”

Grief after suicide is complex, and support for it remains underfunded and often overlooked in broader mental health strategies. More awareness, funding, and recognition are necessary. Josie emphasizes, To everyone grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide today, you are not alone. Life sometimes brings us full circle in the most meaningful ways.

Road to Leadership

Josie reflects, If you had told my younger self that I would lead a charity so close to my heart, I would have thought it impossible. My path has never been straightforward, especially as a woman in the male-dominated tech industry for nearly 30 years.

• Journey through Technology: My background involved considerable struggle for fairness and opportunity.

• Support and Compassion: At SoBS, we provide assistance to those facing one of life’s most isolating experiences: the loss of a loved one to suicide.

  
  

Continuous Research and Insights

According to additional research from the National Institutes of Health (NIH):

• Approximately 1 million people die by suicide worldwide each year.

• It ranks among the top ten leading causes of death across all age groups and among adolescents and young adults.

• Many suicides remain unreported, making it challenging to identify indirect attempts.

  
  

The Mayo Clinic reveals that when a loved one dies by suicide, emotions can overwhelm you. Guilt becomes a constant companion, making you question your actions. However, you don’t have to face this alone.

Brace for Powerful Emotions

The aftermath of a loved one’s suicide triggers intense emotions. Be prepared for:

• Shock: Disbelief may wash over you.

• Anger: You might feel frustrated with your loved one for abandoning you.

• Guilt: Questions about what you could have done will replay in your mind.

• Despair: Sadness can lead to feelings of loneliness.

• Confusion: Many seek to understand why events unfolded as they did.

• Feelings of Rejection: You might question your relationship's impact on their safety.

  
  

Expect to experience waves of emotions in the weeks and months following the loss. These may include nightmares, social withdrawal, and a loss of interest in usual activities.

Dealing with Stigma

Many avoid discussing suicide, leaving you feeling isolated. Religious beliefs might also limit certain rituals for suicide victims, deepening your sense of loneliness. During this time, traditional coping strategies may also feel unavailable.

Adopt Healthy Coping Strategies

To nurture your well-being post-loss, consider these strategies:

• Keep in Touch: Reach out to friends and loved ones for support.

• Grieve in Your Way: Do what feels right for you.

• Prepare for Painful Reminders: Acknowledge anniversaries and special dates.

• Don’t Rush Yourself: Healing is unique to each individual.

• Expect Setbacks: Some days will be harder than others.

• Consider a Support Group: Share your story with others who understand your experience.

  
  

Seek Professional Help

If intense grief or physical issues arise, consult a doctor or mental health provider. Seeking help is crucial, especially if depression or suicidal thoughts emerge.

If you're struggling, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline offers support and resources. Short-term medication or therapy may assist you as you navigate life after suicide.

Face the Future with a Sense of Peace

After the loss of a loved one, it may feel like you can't enjoy life again. However, as time passes, the raw intensity of your grief will likely diminish. Understanding suicide’s legacy and how to manage grief can guide your healing journey.

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention provides excellent resources:

• Healing Conversations connects those who lost a loved one to suicide with trained volunteers.

• International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day helps survivors find connection and understanding.

  
  

Find a Suicide Bereavement Support Group through AFSP's extensive directory.

The Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors offers comprehensive online support services for those coping with this devastating loss.

Josie Jakub resides in Brighton, England, where she facilitates peer-led support groups for Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SoBS). Recently appointed CEO, she leads a dedicated team, ensuring that no one faces grief and loss alone.