When a Loved One Ghosts You, It's Not About You

AnneMoss Rogers talks about listening to others.

⚠️ Content Warning: This article discusses suicide, suicidal thoughts, and mental health struggles.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 (U.S.) to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

October 13, 2025

AnneMoss Rogers, Author & Mental Health and Suicide Prevention Speaker

Tom O'Connor, Editor & Publisher

Author AnneMoss Rogers is one of the top Mental Health Keynote Speakers and Suicide Prevention speakers (https://mentalhealthawarenesseducation.com/). In 2019, AnneMoss published her award-winning memoir, Diary of a Broken Mind. In 2020, she co-wrote the bestseller Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide with Dr. Kimberly O'Brien. AnneMoss is a graduate of UNC-Chapel Hill and lives in Richmond, Virginia.

Anne Moss Rogers is a writer, owner of the blog Emotionally Naked, and professional speaker who captures hearts and fills them with hope. Since 2010, she has served as a board member of the Beacon Tree Foundation, advocating for the mental health of youth. She is also a 2019 YWCA Pat Asch Fellowship for Social Justice winner.

According to AnneMoss Rogers: 

Isolation can be a sign of depression, a relapse into addiction, or even suicidal thoughts. When someone suddenly "disappears" or stops responding, it's easy to assume it's something you did—but more often, it's about what they're going through.

They may not have the energy to engage, may fear judgment, or simply be sinking into despair. Ghosting is often their way of coping—not rejecting you, but retreating from the world.

My First Cousin

AnneMoss's first cousin and his son

This is my first cousin holding his son. (I blurred the child's face for privacy.) Would you guess he was depressed? He was starting around this time. Some 2-3 years after this photo was taken, he missed our annual holiday gathering and made an excuse. Then, six months later, he didn't show up to the family picnic at my house—and this time, he didn't even reach out. That wasn't like him.

So I reached out, not in an angry or accusatory way, but in an empathetic way.

The last time I saw him, he had lost a significant amount of weight, and not the beneficial kind. He said he'd been running, but he was a heavy smoker, so my husband and I doubted that. He climbed the short stairs to my house, and he was panting—not precisely the breathing I'd expect from a runner.

After he missed the picnic at my house, the second family gathering, I called him on the phone. I said how unusual it was not to see his fun self at family events. He NEVER skipped them. Something was going on. This, after all, was the guy who was the first to show up after my own son's suicide in 2015. He always attended family events.

He admitted he had been depressed. Before I asked him if he had been depressed, we talked for a while. Well, I listened and asked questions. He had gone through a divorce, and he had demonized the ex-wife, leaving out a lot of details we'd find out about later that would have certainly had me thinking about ending a marriage. But I loved him and just listened without challenging him at that point, understanding he was still hurting. And despite their being apart, they still loved each other.

Suicidal Thoughts

Once he admitted to being depressed and having remembered from conversations with other family members that his alcohol consumption had increased, I asked the question of whether he was thinking of suicide. He waited too long to answer.

Even though he said "no," I now know to take that long hesitation as a "yes." He would commit suicide 6 months later in January of 2020. At first, I went through those coulda, woulda, shoulda's. But today I understand I can't do it for another human. All I can do is help someone save their own life.

Everyone Wears a Mask

My point? All people wear a mask. But men, especially. Not all men who have depression are suicidal, and not all those who are suicidal have depression.

Maintaining a mask to hide one's real feelings is exhausting. Many who've lived with depression have told me so. Charles's song lyrics, which he wrote as a sort of journal, revealed that when I read them after his death. What should you say or do if your loved one is isolating? One, don't take it personally. It's not about you. Next, think about what they might be going through.

Don't let your head talk you out of what you know in your gut. You can say, "I feel like you might be withdrawing. I know it's been hard for you with the divorce, and I'm here to listen. I'm not going anywhere. Please share what's going on. I promise I won't try to fix, but I want to hear you."

If necessary, make a coffee or lunch meeting. (Beer meetings are not great if you suspect they might be depressed.)

Eventually, you can simply ask, "Sometimes, when people isolate and go through a divorce, they are struggling with suicide. Are you thinking of suicide?"

If you live in the USA and get a "yes," call or text 988 together, if possible. Explain the situation, and ask about next steps. Usually, the next step is a suicide risk assessment to see how imminent the threat is at that time. It's hard to fathom that someone would be thinking about killing themselves. And the only way to find out is to ask directly.

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You can reach her at https://annemoss.com/

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